Tales of a Temple Cat: Return to Nirvana

The Black Queen returned with Lao Tze about half an hour later and triumphantly announced that we had landed in Nirvana. I was released from the cage and when the door of the spaceship slid open, we were surprised to see an elderly monk waiting for us.

"A mi tuo fo - welcome to Nirvana," said the monk, bowing his head.

"I'm not here for a social visit," growled the Black Queen. "Take me to your King immediately."

"As you wish, follow me."

We followed the monk along a flower-lined path that led to a small glen. Everything was just as beautiful as I remembered it but of course I couldn't enjoy the lovely surroundings, fraught as I was with fear thinking what the Black Queen planned to do.

"My Lord and Master is meditating over there, please wait," said the monk, pointing to a spreading tree, under which sat Lord Buddha, his face radiant with peace and tranquility.

"I have come to conquer and destroy Nirvana!"

"Meditating!" snorted the Black Queen. "How can a King rule over his kingdom when he is half asleep all the time? I find this planet of yours absolutely repulsive! Everything is so ... so ... clean ... where are the snakes, cockroaches and flies?"

At this juncture, Lord Buddha opened his eyes and smiled at us. "Peace be unto you. What can I do for you?"

"I am the Black Queen from the Black Planet," said the Black Queen, proudly introducing herself. "I have come to conquer and destroy your planet but first hand over to me all your gold and silver!"

Lord Buddha smiled again. "We don't have any gold or silver but we have plenty of fruits in our orchards. You are welcome to those."

"Fruits! What do I want fruits for?" exploded the Black Queen. "Alright, since you refuse to co-operate, I shall command my army to destroy this planet. General!" she screamed, but there was no response.

"Where is my army?" she shrieked, looking here and there.

"Your soldiers are over there," answered the monk, pointing to a group of monks sitting under a tree.

"Those are not my soldiers, you fool!"

"Oh, but they are. After you landed, your soldiers were so captivated by the beauty, peace and serenity of Nirvana that they begged to be allowed to remain here. They also asked to be pardoned from their sins and to be transformed into peace loving monks."

"What? I don't believe you," yelled the Black Queen.

She marched over to the group of monks and screeched, "Get up! I know you are all my soldiers pretending to be monks! Get up and destroy this planet, do you hear me?"

No one moved. In desperation, she kicked them, shouting threats and obscenities. Still no one moved.

Finally, exasperated and exhausted, she ran back to where we were sitting with Lord Buddha.

"I don't know what magic you have cast on my army," she shrieked at Lord Buddha. "You have caused me untold embarrassment. What am I going to tell my subjects when I return home - that my brave soldiers have now become good-for-nothing weaklings? I can't believe this is happening. Grrrr! You just wait, I shall be back and this time you will regret it!"

She stormed back to her spaceship and flew off. Lao Tze and I looked at each other and burst into laughter.

"Good riddance to bad rubbish," said Lao Tze. "I don't think she'll be back. Unknown to her, I erased all records of our flight here, she'll never be able to find her way back to Nirvana. Now, my friend, you can enjoy the rest of the day here doing what you please!"

I turned to thank Lord Buddha but he had already gone. I asked Lao Tze to take me to the rainbow waterfalls and there, I swam and played with the fish - it was so much fun! After that we went to the cat park where I ate ice cream, chased the butterflies, played with the other cats and rolled in the grass.

All too soon, it was time to leave. We had an uneventful journey back to earth and after Lao Tze had deposited me safely back at the temple, I plumped into my basket, tired but happy. I whispered grateful thanks to Lord Buddha and promptly fell asleep.....