Tales of a Temple Cat

Saturday, April 5, 2025

Friday, April 4, 2025

A Bitter Encounter Pt. 2

Place: The Palace

PH: The Qingming festival will be over in two days, we shall be back to peace and quiet then.

HD: Oh yes, and I hope I don't see that jerk* again.

(*his wife's lover)

PH: Forget about him, HD.

(Then suddenly he gasped and pointed to the door)

HD, look, by the door! I think .... I think your late wife's just walked in!

HD: What? Why that traitor, he promised not to let her know my whereabouts!

PH: She's seen you and is coming over! There's no time to run and hide!

HD (drawing himself up): No, I won't run this time. I shall confront her and tell her to leave me alone.

Wife (excited): My dear late husband, at last I've found you!

HD: Look, just say what you have to say, then leave me in peace!

Wife (looking sad): I haven't come to pick a quarrel with you. Listen, I've been looking back at our past life together and want to say how sorry I am for being so horrible to you. I made your life miserable and I can't blame you if you won't forgive me.

HD: Really! Who by the way told you I am here? It was your lover, wasn't it? I met him the other day. Do you know he killed you?

Wife: Yes, I know. I saw him sneak down to the garage the day before the accident but didn't think anything of it until I drove off the cliff. It was only then that I realised he had fixed the brakes!

HD: So you know but unfortunately for you, he got away with it!

Wife (laughing): Not really. Did he tell you he died of cancer? Actually, it was I who killed him!

HD (shocked): What?

Wife: When I found out he was seeing another woman behind my back, I started putting poison in his coffee every morning, bit by bit. He never knew it. They said it was cancer and so his girlfriend put him in a hospice and left him to die there.

HD: I can't believe this! He killed you and you killed him!

Wife (smirking): Yes, so you see, I got my revenge. Well, that's all in the past, I don't care two hoots about him anymore. But I want you to forgive me so that I will rest in peace, please?

HD (hesitating): Alright, if you truly mean it, I forgive you. After all, we're both dead and there's no point being at loggerheads. Where will you go now?

Wife: Well, I'll go back to our apartment and stay there. Nobody dares to buy it since they know it's haunted. I shall be quite happy there.

HD: Good luck to you! By the way, if that jerk turns up again, tell him I haven't finished with him yet!

Wife: Goodbye, my love. Come and visit me some time .....

HD: Er ... okay....

She turned and slowly disappeared out of the door.

PH: Gosh, that was somewhat unexpected! I thought she was going to blow your head off! So now you can relax and enjoy your stay here at the temple.

HD: Hmm, yes....

(In his mind, he was already planning how he would get his revenge on Spook for not keeping his word and betraying his whereabouts to his wife. It was going to be fun, great fun .....)

Monday, March 31, 2025

A Bitter Encounter

Place: The Palace (columbarium at Head Nun's temple)

Occasion: Qingming Festival (the annual "Tomb Sweeping Festival" or the festival for honouring dearly departed ones usually taking place in April)

Observers: HD and PH

PH: HD, just look at the crowd coming to pray, and so many offerings they have brought with them! Unfortunately we don't have anyone to bring us offerings.

HD (smiling): Not to worry, PH. The other souls told me that they are willing to share their offerings with us, so don't look so sad.

PH: Oh, how kind of them! Wow, all that smoke from the joss sticks is making my eyes smart!

HD (suddenly sitting up): Hey, do you see that spook over there? He looks kind of familiar.

PH: You mean that one eyeing the food? No, I don't know him. Hey, he has seen you and he's coming over.

Spook: Well, well, I never thought I'd meet you here!

HD: Hey, I know you from somewhere. Let me think ....Damn! You're my wife's lover, the one I fought with! You pushed me over the balcony of our apartment and killed me!

Spook: Correction! You fell off the balcony by yourself when we were fighting. I didn't push you!

HD: Say what you like, I'll never forget what happened! What the hell are you doing here anyway? You had your fun with my wife, then ran off with another woman and now you're dead!

Spook (laughing): If you must know, I died of natural causes - cancer. My girlfriend put me in a hospice under the care of some kind old nuns and I died there. She was the sweetest girl I ever knew, compared to your wife. I still can't imagine how you could have married her! After being with her for three months, I decided I had enough and left her. She was the most selfish, arrogant and vain creature I had ever set eyes on!

HD: Don't you dare speak bad of my wife!

Spook (acting surprised): My my, getting touchy, aren't you! Do you know, after I left her, she never stopped pestering me until I got so fed up and had to get rid of her!

HD: What do you mean, get rid of her?

Spook: You know the accident she had? Well, I fixed the brakes of her car and she shot off the cliff and boom! Bye bye!

HD (gasping in horror): What? Why, you murderer!

Furious, HD reached out and punched Spook several times but of course all his blows went right through him.

Spook: Hey, why waste your energy? Have you forgotten I'm also dead?

HD: Didn't the police find anything?

Spook (grinning): No evidence whatsoever. They closed the case and called it a suicide.

HD (very angry): I can't believe you got away with it! You should have been hung or left to rot in jail! Just get out of my sight and go back to wherever they have put you!

Spook: Oh yes, I've actually got a nice place in a small temple about five km. from here. I came here to see what's happening, having heard what a grand old temple this is! By the way, I believe you were never on good terms with your wife even before I met her, aren't you afraid I might tell her where you are now? (he added slyly).

HD: Don't you dare!

Spook: Look, both of us don't want her around us, so let's make a deal. You don't tell her about me and I won't tell her about you. Deal?

HD (hesitating): Ok, deal! How do I know you'll keep your word?

Spook: Well, you'll have to trust me, same as I have to trust you. Now I want to taste some of those sweet buns over there. Ciao!

HD (growling): Greedy pig! I wish could kill him all over again!

PH (who had been observing all that had happened): HD, he's dead. He's got his just punishment, I'm sure he must have suffered a lot of pain from his cancer, so leave him be.

HD couldn't sleep that night. When he saw that PH was sleeping soundly, he slipped out of their niche and made his way to the temple where Spook was staying. The "greedy pig" was snoring away having filled his belly and not only that, he had even brought back with him some food from the Palace. HD looked at him in disgust, then an idea struck him. He went back outside, gathered some dried dog shit, went back into the temple and mixed the shit with Spook's food. Having done that, he gleefully made his way back to the Palace and slept like a log.

Friday, March 28, 2025

Cat Wisdom

Tuesday, March 25, 2025

The Buddha Said ...

Sadhu! Sadhu! Sadhu!

Wednesday, March 19, 2025

No Place Like Home

Now that all the festivities are over, the temple has returned to its quiet self and the nuns are carrying on their daily duties like before. Most of the time they go to bed after watching the evening news on TV and I also go to bed early. When I can't sleep, I do some meditation but some nights are really hot, so I toss about trying to sleep.

One such night, I was surprised to see HD and PH come floating in. I hadn't had much time for them during the festivities and was quite pleased to see them.

"Vege Cat," said HD. "We want to talk to you."

"Sure," I said. "What have you two been up to?"

HD frowned. "Why do you think we've been up to something? Anyway, we want to tell you that we are homesick."

"What?" I asked, surprised.

"It's not what you think," interrupted PH. "We are truly grateful to Head Nun for giving us a home here at the temple but we kind of miss our old hometown and the folks there."

"Oh, you mean you want to "balik kampung" (go home)," I said.

"Yes," said HD. "But only for a few days or so. We want to see what's happening there since we died."

"You're free to come and go as you please, you know. The other souls in the Palace wander about freely too without bothering to seek permission from anyone."

"Great!" cried HD. "We shall be off soon. See you!" And they both disappeared in a puff of smoke.

It must have been about two or three days before I saw HD and PH again. They had returned from their trip and I expected them to be happy and excited but instead they looked quite forlorn and sad.

"So what happened, guys? Didn't you both enjoy your trip home?" I asked.

PH shook his head. "I went back to see my old flat and it was in shambles. All my photos and souvenirs were gone, also my favorite armchair. The couple who live there now do nothing but gamble and play with their phones. I went round to see the neighbors but some had moved out or had died. Those who still live there have suddenly grown very old and are going about like zombies. They don't even remember me when I whispered my name in their ears."

He sighed and said sadly, "What a shame. We used to be like one big family."

"What about you, HD?" I asked.

"You'll never guess what happened," he said. "I went back to my apartment too and was surprised that the For Sale sign was still there. Nobody had bought it since my wife died. I decided to go inside and was about to float through the window when horror of horrors, I saw her sitting inside in our old rocking chair!"

"You saw who?" I asked, not sure that I had heard him correctly.

"My wife! Or rather her ghost! She was sitting there staring into space with bloodshot eyes. Of course my first thought was to run! But she had sensed someone was there and she shouted: "Who's there? Is that you, my dear late husband? I've been waiting for you!"

I quickly flew into the empty apartment next door before she came to check the window and hid there until the coast was clear. Thank God I managed to escape from her clutches!"

"Then what happened?" I asked.

"I wandered around the neighborhood and heard gossip about a ghost in an apartment waiting for her husband to return! Shit, why can't she leave me alone! When she was alive, living with her was sheer hell, now I certainly don't want to live with her in death!"

"Oh dear, I am sorry you both had such unpleasant experiences but as you know, the temple is your home now and you can stay for as long as you wish."

"Thanks, Vege Cat," said HD. "Are we glad we're back. We are very fortunate indeed to have a place here. Not only is it rent free but we also have free meals (offerings from devotees). What more do we want?"

With that, they both melted into the night.

Poor HD. I hope his wife will never find him and leave him in peace. Amen.